Why do I only freak out at night?

Dearest Liver,

I can’t figure out if this is just me, or if others are like this, but I feel like I always have my cancer freak outs at night. The annoying time when it’s too late to call my friends or my dad and I’m stuck thinking the absolute worst thoughts until the morning.

Tonight I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep (a task thay has been harder and harder recently) and I felt a weird pain in my sternum. As I touched the area I felt a bump that I am now convinced is a new met. It might be just the way that area has always felt, or maybe I’m just noticing it b/c I am having a hard time keeping on weight and I can feel my bones more. 

It’s probably nothing, but of course, because it is 1:30 am and I’m all alone, my brain is going to the worst possible conclusion. If only I could train my dog to sniff out mets for me. Or maybe I should start the Middle Of the Night Cancer Freakout Hotline. I bet we would probably feed off each other and make it worse.

I’m seeing my doc next week and sent my poor NP another middle of the night freak out email talking about said bump and asking if I have known mets on my sternum.

Maybe I should save my middle of the night cancer emails and publish them. I wonder if I could turn them into a tragic/beautiful coffee table book. Or more likely a sad, self published e-book.

Sorry for the middle of the night freak out blog post dearest liver. Could you do me a favor and keep mysterious symptoms to banking hours? I just want to sleep like a normal person. Maybe I should see if I can bump up my drugs for sleeping…

Love and kisses,


P.S. Just because I feel like I need something positive in this post, look at my adorable snuggle buddy, Honey.

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